Welcome back to Let’s Cut the Cake! This is our series on AJ and I planning our own wedding as a pair of wedding photographers! Over the next few months, we’ll be sharing our process and inviting you in on our decision making and witnessing trial + errors!
It’s called Let’s Cut the Cake because that’s what AJ and I will be doing on May 16th, 2020!! Can’t wait to have you all along on this crazy long, messy path that is actually planning a wedding.
Last time, we got to gush all about our venue! I’m still head over heels for it, even though we booked them over a year ago! You can see that post here!
And today I don’t have a big wedding update for you, but I do want to get real for a second.
Because, as of yesterday July 16th, we’re only 10 months out. Yikes.
That sounds like barely any time at all right??
When we first got engaged we were so stoked to have this day for us, to just celebrate us and our story. We get to have a huge party with all our loved ones. Best day ever right?
Not so fast. We coasted for so long on those handful of vendors that we had chosen. And then when it was time to really get things going, it’s like we kept hitting a million road blocks.
The easy, breezy 12 months we had of just enjoying fiance-hood (that’s now a word, thank you) was in our rearview and it feels like we might never get that back. And I’m kicking myself for being naive and thinking it would be fine to take our time (i.e. procrastinate) for so long.
It’s not all peachy keen and breezy.
Especially because I arrogantly thought I had this huge advantage from being a part of 50+ weddings. Wrong.
Something else we learned pretty quickly is it’s not just about AJ and I. As much as I wanted this intimate celebration with just people who’ve known us for the past eight years, it’s not that simple.
It’s about our parents and our families. To an extent, we do have to share this day with them.
And it’s not just about our love. It’s really just not that simple. It’s about expectations, money, levels of involvement. It’s really easy for feelings to get hurt.
So while I thought we had pretty much learned how to navigate anything over the past eight years, surprise! We have to figure out a whole new can of worms.
I’m not complaining (though it might sound like I am.) The more we learn and figure out while we’re young, the easier the rest of our lives will be!
So when we made those first vendor decisions when we got engaged last year, it felt so good to have those boxes checked. And I really thought those were the hard ones.
And then it was time to really start talking specifics, it was like a flood of complicated decisions rushed us. I got overwhelmed and when I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down.
Here’s what happened.
I started Let’s Cut the Cake to be this weekly series of awesome information as we learned it ourselves. I wanted to help you in your own wedding planning. To provide insight and hindsight on all the planning mistakes we would make.
And then I hit this wall and wedding planning felt so overwhelming. I felt like a fraud being so excited to cut the cake and below the surface I had no motivation to plan a single thing.
Some people might call that pre-wedding depression (unfortunately, a very real thing). Some people might just call it decision fatigue.
Either way, I had hit a wall.
But sometimes, all you need is a tiny little boost to get over a wall that felt too high before.
Looking back (not that far back, this happened like last week..!) this was most obvious thing I could have done, and should have done from the start.
I just need to lean on AJ. I needed to tell him how much pressure I was feeling, and how this day is supposed to be about us, not just me. And I wanted to feel like we were both equally represented, and equally responsible.
Seriously, that’s all it took.
From there, we re-evaluated how we were discussing things, what was lacking for both of us and what we needed moving forward.
I think one of the hardest things for me was feeling like it had to be my vision. Without even realizing it, AJ (and like everyone else) was putting pressure on me to have the wedding of my dreams already thought out. And that’s a horrible feeling when absolutely nothing comes to mind.
Then came the exciting part…!
From that point, we were able to start talking about our collective vision.
Cue the breakthrough.
We started with things we liked that we had both seen. And then we talked about the general ~vibe~ we wanted our guests to feel. Then came the colors, some specific design pieces we wanted to incorporate, and how we can really put a personal twist on it.
I’m not exaggerating when I say, after that literally everything has been falling into place.
Not saying we still haven’t been hitting road blocks (lookin’ at you, rehearsal dinner. I haven’t forgotten about you, and yes you’re still stressing me out.) But it’s different knowing we’re approaching them together, with this based foundation and understanding. It feels so much better.
So do you want to know our theme….!? Tonight at 6:30pm, we’re going to hop on Instagram live and tell you all about it ! If you’re not already following me, click here!
Do you have any questions for us? Planning advice, anything specific to our wedding, decision fatigue, any of it! You can ask in the comments below and we’ll answer tonight!
We’ll see you then! 🙂