I want to start this all off by saying I don’t even kind of have all the answers. I’m very lightly using the word “advice” here. These are just the things that we have done in our personal experience.
After we got out of that limbo stage of whether or not we needed to postpone, I needed action steps. I needed to actually do something to feel like I had some ounce of control.
My hope is that these steps can offer support and some guidance if you’re seeking that too!
If you want to read more about our wedding planning journey you can here.
How to even Postpone Your Wedding due to COVID-19
Contact your vendors
First off, this is all operating under the assumption you do not have a planner, here’s where to start! (If you do have a planner, skip head 🙂
Get all of your available dates, out of those pick your ideal weekends or months. This may be super easy or super hard depending on many factors.
You can mass email everyone and get all of the dates and chart it out. AJ was going to make a spreadsheet of all the dates and figure it out that way. Honestly because he just loves spreadsheets!
But if I were you (and what we did!) I would order your vendors from “absolutely must be there” to “we can find another one”. That sounds so mean to all my fellow wedding vendors, but desperate times call for desperate measures!!
Then reach out to the first must have vendor. This is probably someone like your venue, or I would hope your photographer 🙂
Then cross out your original list of dates against that vendors availability. Continue down the list.
Depending on the season and the availability of your vendors, you may end up with less date choices than you think! That’s what happened to us. Essentially our date was picked for us!
Let your guest list know
I’ve heard of people emailing (if you do RSVPs online, you should have their emails!) This is a great idea if your date is fast approaching and they need to know ASAP!
If you have a tight knit crew, you could go the word of mouth route. You could also tell one side of the family and ask them to spread the news. If you have a family like mine, they will already be eager to find out and be asking each other!
Here’s what I would suggest and what we’re doing.
Even if you’re going to start with an email blast or word of mouth: order change of dates!
Chances are your new date is at least two months away, which would be too early for your invites. (Honestly at this point, we’re all a little cautious about ordering/sending invites til it’s for sure, right??)
When I was looking up wording and etiquette, I read something that really stuck with me! It said your wedding is still a formal, highly anticipated celebration and deserves to be treated as such – even if it’s being postponed.
Look for the silver lining
Obviously there is a whole lot of processing that goes in between the “telling your guests” and “look on the brightside”. But I totally dove into all of that messiness last week.
Seriously – I need to take a moment and tell you do not skip ahead to this part until you’re on the “acceptance” stage of your grieving process. Take all the time you need. Give yourself a few sad days, weeks. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling, guilt free, and move forward when you’re ready.
P.S. also give yourself permission to let those few well-meaning friends and family members go straight to voicemail. You don’t need to answer them right now.
Okay, hi welcome back. Assuming that now that you’re on the other side, and you’re ready to kick this second wedding date’s butt and make it a new “best day ever.”
Guess what I don’t mean by that. “Be grateful that at the end of the day you still get to marry your best friend and it’ll be perfect!” No. I don’t mean that.
Honestly, is that not a given? Is that not the only reason we haven’t all completely broken down at this point? That’s our saving grace. That’s not our silver lining.
What I mean is let’s make a (really strong) cocktail out of these lemons
And focus on the things that we can control and are actually a blessing in disguise!
Here are things that all of us brides who are forced to postpone have in common right now:
- We get to be a ~bride~ for a few more months.
- And we can load up our registries with all the spring / summer gifts at anthropologie
- We can channel all the building stress about all the little things you have to do two weeks before, and stretch them out!
- Some of our vendors will let us pay 4 weeks before the new date! YAY to not going (as) broke as quickly!!
Here are some of the things I’m specifically stoked about! Maybe some of these things you can pumped about too:
- Spring to summer wedding means adding popsicles + frozen margs to the menu (cheers!)
- I got to print another one of our beeeeautiful engagement photos on our “change” the date cards!
- My hair has a chance to get longer + healthier!
- I have get a second stab at our invitations, since they ALL need to be reprinted (🙃)
- I have three extra months to try to get my arms a little more toned (tbd)
So let’s not lose total hope, friends. Not to be cliche, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If you thought just regular ole wedding planning stress was tough on you and your relationship…Just think about how much stronger and deeper your relationship will be now.
You’ll be stepping into marriage having gone through a literal life changing pandemic.
I know that might not be what you want to hear right now. It doesn’t really make me feel much better right now either. Reminding myself of the previous hardships we’ve been through together, and how they changed our relationship for the better is what’s getting me through.
Sending you all big hugs and kisses. If you have any questions or need any advice, need to vent, I’m here for you!